My Shameful Regret as a Father: Breaking Harshness and Embracing Love

Yesterday, I lost my temper with my daughter. I treated her harshly, and I can’t help but feel deep regret and shame. The sobering truth is, my actions caused her pain, and that’s something I’ll never forget.

I started with the best intentions, but somewhere along the way, my frustration got the best of me. Instead of guiding her with love, I responded with cruelty. I can’t take back what happened, but I can learn from it and make sure it doesn’t come to pass again.

It’s a painful lesson, but it’s one that I needed to learn: love is the only force that truly shapes a child. You can’t force them to change or grow, no matter how hard you try. I’ve learnt that the hard way, but this wisdom has stood the test of time — and it’s something I will now carry with me every day.

The Impact of Rash Actions

Before I talk about what I plan to do differently, I need to acknowledge the consequences of my harsh behaviour. What happens when you resort to force and frustration in parenting?

• Short-term results, long-term damage: Yes, it might seem like you’re getting your child to listen, but the long-term effects are devastating. As they grow up, they may rebel — and you’ll be left struggling to fix the relationship.
• Emotional scars that last forever: The pain from harsh words or actions doesn’t fade quickly. It can cause depression, alter their view of the world, and hinder their growth. The child you love so much could end up burdened by the emotional baggage you unintentionally created.
• A dangerous search for fulfilment: When a child experiences emotional trauma, they may turn to unhealthy sources of comfort — exposing themselves to exploitation or toxic relationships. They might even begin to see their parents as enemies, pushing away the people who love them most.

These are just a few of the consequences that come from reacting out of anger or frustration. And I’ve seen enough to know that if I keep going down this path, it will only lead to more pain — for both of us.

Why Do I Want My Daughter to Behave a Certain Way?

It’s clear: I want my daughter to succeed in life. That’s the ultimate goal. I want her to be happy, confident, and capable of navigating the world on her own terms. But in order to do that, I need to check my actions.

I can’t allow my ego, impatience, or stubbornness to get in the way. Every time I act out of frustration, I’m working against that goal. It’s non-negotiable. My job as a parent is to teach her, not to control her.

So, how can I change?

The Power of Patience and Empathy

I’ve learnt that impulsive actions are often rooted in my own inability to deal with difficult situations — like procrastination or feeling overwhelmed. I’ve experienced that feeling of putting things off, and I know how hard it is to break out of it. So why am I so harsh when my daughter does the same?

It’s natural for anyone to procrastinate, including kids. When I stop to think about it, I realise that it’s not an act of defiance — it’s just part of being human. In the past, I’ve been quick to react with frustration, but now I see that it’s not about forcing her to act — it’s about understanding and helping her find the motivation to take the next step.

If she’s struggling with something, instead of demanding results, I need to ask myself: What motivates me when I’m feeling stuck? Whether it’s a trick I use to get myself moving or simply taking a moment to breathe and reset, I can apply that same patience to her.

This is where empathy comes in. Love, understanding, and wisdom are the true tools for parenting — not force. When I understand her struggles, I can approach the situation with compassion, not anger. And when I do that, we can both move forward in a healthier way.

A Practical Approach: How to Respond to Procrastination

Let’s get a little more specific.

If my daughter is procrastinating on her homework or any other task, I can’t just yell at her to “get it done.” I need to remind myself that procrastination is a normal human experience — and I’m no stranger to it. I’ve put off big projects and felt the weight of delayed tasks, even when I knew they were important. So, instead of reacting impulsively, I can ask: What would help me in this situation?

• Breaking the task into smaller steps.
• Setting a timer to focus for just a few minutes.
• Reminding her of the rewards of completing the task.

Whatever it is, it’s about being patient and finding what works — not forcing compliance through frustration. Empathy is the key to moving forward together.

Moving Forward with Love

I’ve learnt that the only way to truly guide my daughter is with love, patience, and understanding. Instead of focusing on the mistakes, I’m choosing to focus on the solution. Yes, I made a mistake, but I won’t let it define me or our relationship.

I’ll work every day to remember why I’m doing this — to help her grow into the best version of herself. The journey is long, but it’s one worth taking. And with love at the centre of everything, I know we’ll get there together.

Parenting is not about perfection — it’s about progress. And every day is a new opportunity to grow, both for me and for my daughter.

Let’s choose love. Every time.